“Ecuador… That’s like, in Africa, right?”

The initial first-world culture shock has passed, a new job has been procured and secured, and plans have been made. So it’s time for some back-to-the-Empire-State anecdotes.

“So April, what have you been up to all this time?”
“I’ve moved back to New York recently. I was living in Ecuador for a little over 2 years.”

What the person chooses to say next has been a source of amusement or a chance to practice my world renowned withering glare*. Lets go through a few of my favorites gems, shall we?

1. “Wow! You were in Africa?!”

Folks… Ecuador is not in Africa. This is the continent of Africa: 

Fear

I sat at my desk reading the email inquires that had been piling up in my work inbox, only semi-conscience of my twitter widget flickering away in the corner of my screen. My fresh cup of coffee warmed my hands, and the smells from the nearby bakery were wafting up to the office windows. Another lovely morning.

Then something odd caught my eye. The words “cannibal”, “Lector”, and “zombie” seemed to flashing by in my twitter feed with surprising frequency. My curiosity was piqued. I clicked on one of the incoherent links next to a zombie hashtag and greeted with this headline: Man fights to live after face is eaten by naked attacker in Miami. ‘Guy had pieces of flesh in his mouth and he growled,’ witness says

I scrolled though the article in horror, and when I got to the end, the news site had kindly arranged a whole array of other lovely headlines for me to click on.

Surveillance video shows man putting baby in washing machine

Six in Utah arrested for stapling roommate’s lips, cutting him with power tools during marathon torture session

‘Help me, I’m cold,’ begs 3-year-old dumped on street by carjacker

These stories lay stacked on the bottom of the page, a morgue of human tragedy. My coffee had gone cold and there was a nasty milk skin on the surface.