I’m listening to Sufan Stevens. The pacific is rolling in and out in front of me in it’s comforting way. …all things grow, all things grow… The wind has picked up and there’s a slight chill in the air. The cooler season is upon us. The hammocks are swaying and I smell Javier cooking lunch. Things change and things stay the same.

I returned to New York for a little over a week, and found the people that I loved, some different, some the same. A Tongan luau to celebrate family. Long drives downstate and back. Smiles, tears, and rekindled bonds. The sameness was comforting. The changes made me so proud.

I arrived back in Ecuador to find that my boss had freaked out when his other teachers quit, and replaced me, thinking that I wasn’t coming back. So now I don’t have a job. My two best friends here returned to Texas and Canada. So now I don’t have my amigas extranjeras. Not to worry. I have people who care about me, and can stay as long as I need to in Manglaralto while I look for work. Things change…

The music has switched to Elliott Smith. …find some beautiful place to get lost…It’s a strange feeling listening to familiar music in a different context. You have the simultaneous memories of life when you used to listen to it, but with a new layer of meaning that comes from the new life.

I spent most of yesterday in despair over losing an amazing job for reasons I still don’t understand. But today is a new day. I am here to push myself past what’s comfortable. Embracing the unknown is something that I have discovered I am very good at. Now Bright Eyes is playing. …We’ll just have to wait and see…

Original published May 25, 2011, on tumblr as “Música”.


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